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Living Life Turned On – yes Yes YES!

Gratitude

Sitting in the feeling of gratitude, I am reminded of the greatness of all of this…life. That the depths of emotions, from grief to ecstasy, are what my human experience is all about. Yes, I am breathing. Yes, I am grateful.

Today is Daddy Day. It’s a big day for me, because it’s been ten years since my Father died. It has been a long decade of changes since I last saw him, and I hope that he is proud…but I wonder if he would still recognize me? I’m a totally different person now, and without his influence, I wonder how much of a daughter to him I still am. I’m doing my best Daddy!

I can still see his face and hear him call my name, but there are so many more memories I have made without him that he’s becoming more of a distant glint of influence. I’m becoming more my Mother’s (Jeanne Davison Osborne) daughter and of course, I becoming more myself.

I made this video when he was end stage. I originally made it for a boy (silly me), but in retrospect, I really made it for my Daddy.

Although I wasn’t with him to witness his transformation, I was holding space for him on a beautiful beach. There was the most beautiful meteor shower that night…and I knew it was him. I have never seen anything so magical since.

I am so grateful for being there with Sara Lerner, Joshua Lerner and Cody Ellerd Bay…these are wonderful humans that are forever in my heart for holding me in my deepest moments of grief. Aaron Osborne and Jeff Dean Ridgeway became my rocks, who I cried on when I needed strong male energy…when I needed a man to hold me. Wow, I’ve never admitted that need before, but yeah…and hold me you guys did, for the many years I struggled, stumbled, and eventually healed. Words cannot express…

There is a quiet beauty in reflecting on the strength, love and support that a man can give to his family. And while the daily influence may lessen, he is always there. Laughing and loving us. And we are forever bound, my blood. Sending you all deepest gratitude and love.

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